[Ezra had kind of been hoping he could just leave it at that. He just doesn't have a good frame of reference for the role Kanan plays in his life. Not too many male adults have stuck around for long, either not being interested in the first place or...
Well.
Not like his dad or Ferpil had had much in the way of a choice. But those aren't pleasant memories, so Ezra shrugs uncomfortably. Even his false memories don't offer much of a clue, since in that life he and Qui-Gon had lived... not isolated lives, but they'd been cautious about letting other people in.]
I don't know.
[He admits that lamely. It seems like something he ought to have an answer for.]
I figured out who I want to be from him. [Him and Hera and Sabine and Zeb, but they're talking about Kanan specifically.] He's taught me about responsibility, about how to pick my fights, about growing up. I guess... he's... like family.
[He scuffs a toe in the carpet, not sure if that's entirely accurate either.]
[There isn’t much else for Qui-Gon to do other than patiently nod his head along with Ezra’s verbalizations. Having decades more experience meant that he’d arrived to this same conclusion a little while ago, but something about hearing it come from Ezra’s mouth turned an abstract concept into an absolute that couldn’t be denied. And who would want to?]
[The smile the question pulls is genuine... but a little bit sad. Not with the idea of Ezra asking if he could be part of a family, although that's depressing in its own right, but with the way he asked.]
[He'd asked if Qui-Gon would be okay with the idea. How many times had he been rejected before, to frame it like that?]
[Qui-Gon reaches out to rake his fingers through Ezra's disheveled hair. Something closely akin to a mischievous quirk of his lips flashes across his face.]
[He'd earned his reputation as a maverick for a reason.]
Besides... there are many ways to interpret such a rule. I think we'll be fine.
[Maybe it's Qui-Gon's assurance, or the affectionate hand in Ezra's hair. Maybe it's his smile that comes with it. Maybe it's the Force whispering its own guidance here. Whatever it is, it loosens something in Ezra's chest, allowing some of those bottled emotions to come out. It's not much obvious on his face beyond something sparking in his eyes, followed by a tentative smile that still isn't entirely sure, but the walls of Ezra's home almost seem to shimmer for a moment, like fabric with the faintest hint of gold embroidery, or maybe like a campsite lit by sparks from a low-banked fire.]
I might need some of those interpretations explained.
[So if Qui-Gon really means it, Ezra's willing to see what his idea of Jedi family is.]
[The shimmer that ripples across the walls says far more than mere words ever could, pushing Qui-Gon’s smile further. He lets the moment hang in the air, soaking everything about it in. He may not have a future outside of this mysterious land, destined to fold back into the Force upon his departure, but to someone who lives in the moment, that isn’t so bad. He’ll have these memories to last him forever—literally forever, if his training in immortality has truly been successful—and that’s a treasure in itself.]
[...That being said, living in the moment also means he doesn’t forget his purpose.]
...After you finish those exercises I assigned to you.
[Just like that, the campfire sparks snuff out as Ezra freezes, shoulders bunching with a flinch. Qui-Gon might not have forgotten the purpose of his visit, but Ezra certainly had. And he almost, almost tries to argue ignorance to keep up the bluff that that wasn't him last night.
But that was him last night, and maybe he doesn't want to test his luck so soon after that.]
[Which is the old Jedi's way of saying 'Don't even think about stalling.']
[But the smile on Qui-Gon's face remains warm, and the way he gives Ezra's shoulder one last squeeze before he parts should be reassuring. Maybe he'll go a little bit easier on him after this talk. Maybe.]
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no subject
Well.
Not like his dad or Ferpil had had much in the way of a choice. But those aren't pleasant memories, so Ezra shrugs uncomfortably. Even his false memories don't offer much of a clue, since in that life he and Qui-Gon had lived... not isolated lives, but they'd been cautious about letting other people in.]
I don't know.
[He admits that lamely. It seems like something he ought to have an answer for.]
I figured out who I want to be from him. [Him and Hera and Sabine and Zeb, but they're talking about Kanan specifically.] He's taught me about responsibility, about how to pick my fights, about growing up. I guess... he's... like family.
[He scuffs a toe in the carpet, not sure if that's entirely accurate either.]
no subject
I believe we have our answer. What do you think?
no subject
But there's family, and then there's family, and is Qui-Gon really saying...?]
You'd... you'd be okay with that?
no subject
[He'd asked if Qui-Gon would be okay with the idea. How many times had he been rejected before, to frame it like that?]
It would be an honor, Ezra.
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Or how long had he just not had the chance? After all, rejection could only come if there was an opportunity to ask first, and that...
Well, Ezra probably has good reason to think most people weren't much interested in that. Even with Qui-Gon...
A mix of emotions flutters in his chest, and he has to pull them back before they rise too much.]
You're sure? It doesn't count as familial attachment?
[You know, the thing Qui-Gon just lectured him on?]
no subject
[Qui-Gon reaches out to rake his fingers through Ezra's disheveled hair. Something closely akin to a mischievous quirk of his lips flashes across his face.]
[He'd earned his reputation as a maverick for a reason.]
Besides... there are many ways to interpret such a rule. I think we'll be fine.
no subject
I might need some of those interpretations explained.
[So if Qui-Gon really means it, Ezra's willing to see what his idea of Jedi family is.]
no subject
[The shimmer that ripples across the walls says far more than mere words ever could, pushing Qui-Gon’s smile further. He lets the moment hang in the air, soaking everything about it in. He may not have a future outside of this mysterious land, destined to fold back into the Force upon his departure, but to someone who lives in the moment, that isn’t so bad. He’ll have these memories to last him forever—literally forever, if his training in immortality has truly been successful—and that’s a treasure in itself.]
[...That being said, living in the moment also means he doesn’t forget his purpose.]
...After you finish those exercises I assigned to you.
no subject
But that was him last night, and maybe he doesn't want to test his luck so soon after that.]
Can't I at least dress and eat breakfast first?
no subject
[Which is the old Jedi's way of saying 'Don't even think about stalling.']
[But the smile on Qui-Gon's face remains warm, and the way he gives Ezra's shoulder one last squeeze before he parts should be reassuring. Maybe he'll go a little bit easier on him after this talk. Maybe.]
[They'll just have to find out together.]