[From what snippets Qui-Gon can remember, the healers also didn't know if he'd wake up. That alone must have chipped away at Ezra's already frayed nerves.]
[He squeezes Ezra's hand back, his rough, large palms completely encompassing the boy's slender fingers. He doesn't need to use the Force to convey the love and comfort he wants to share and tell his son that yes, he's okay. He's wounded, he's incapacitated, and he's going to take quite a while to convalesce, but he's okay.]
[Most importantly, he needs to know if Ezra can say the same.]
[Qui-Gon isn't sure if Ezra has his amulet on him--the boy certainly didn't prior to Obi-Wan's attack, but he reaches out anyway just in case. He swallows as well, trying to prep his throat for their eventual chat.]
I'm all right.
How's your head? And your throat? Did the healers look at your injuries?
[To accentuate his questions (and to wordlessly ask them, should Ezra not have his amulet) Qui-Gon pulls his hand out of Ezra's grip and slowly brushes his fingers through his hair, checking for bruises as much as his still waking body will allow.]
[Ezra does have his amulet on him now. He's had more than enough time to kick himself and wonder if all of this could have been avoided, if only he'd remembered it before.
When he answers, his voice is a little bit rough, matching the shadows of bruises on his throat, though the words themselves deny them both.]
I'm fine. And I'm not the one you should be worried about.
[Ezra's certainly not worried about himself right now. A headache and a sore throat are incredibly minor concerns compared to what happened to Qui-Gon.
Besides, half the ache in his throat is probably just from the lump he can't swallow when he thinks about how close he'd come to losing the only family he has.]
Dad, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen.
[Qui-Gon's hand falls from the top of Ezra's head down to where his palm can rest against his cheek. A warm smile tugs at the corners of his lips and the wrinkles around his eyes crease just a little.]
It's not your fault, Ezra.
You did the right thing. You couldn't help that someone took advantage of your good nature.
[He brushes along Ezra's cheekbone with his thumb. Just seeing his adoptive son in front of him alive and relatively well is enough to get his emotions going. To think what would have happened had he been a moment later...]
All that matters is that you're okay.
Edited (JUST ADDING/CHANGING SOME STUFF) Date: 2017-09-05 12:24 am (UTC)
[With Qui-Gon's injury, Ezra doesn't dare lean in for the hug he wants. His father's hand on his cheek is the closest he can get, so Ezra leans into that instead, closing his eyes for a moment to try to keep the tears back that keep threatening to well up. Emotion, yet peace, he knows, he knows, but it's so hard when he'd been so scared.
Still, a steadying breath helps, and so does his own innate stubbornness that flares at Qui-Gon's words. Ezra opens his eyes to pin Qui-Gon with a look that Qui-Gon would probably recognize if he ever watched his own expressions in a mirror.]
That's not true. You matter, too. You taught me that no one person is more important than another, so don't you dare say I'm the only thing that counts.
[He might have argued that point if he weren't recovering from a bona fide impalement, but as matters stand, he's not about to even make an attempt. Further steadying Qui-Gon's metaphorical tongue is the look Ezra gives him. While he's no connoisseur of mirrors, Qui-Gon is self-aware enough to recognize that look. He can't quite pinpoint the emotions hitting him, but he knows there's no small hint of pride mixed in there.]
Fair enough. I won't say it again.
[It doesn't help that Qui-Gon has a bad habit of yielding to his son whenever he's distressed. He keeps his comforting hand on Ezra's cheek, no stranger to placating the teenager's often turbulent emotions, the same as they'd been since childhood. Some things didn't change.]
[Just as well that Qui-Gon didn't argue with words Ezra had echoed from him. That wouldn't have helped his cause, either now or in the future.
But now the subject is safely set aside for one a little less emotionally charged. Ezra shrugs one shoulder. If he was honest, he's lost track of time, everything blurring in the rush of adrenaline and worry. Still, he'll go for a simple but still honest answer.]
Since they brought you here. I thought, you know, maybe I could help.
[Not that he knows anything about Healing with the Force, but if nothing else, he'd hoped Qui-Gon could feel his presence in the Force and know he still had someone who cared for and needed him here.
...though he might have tried to use the Force a little bit, too.]
[Qui-Gon knows all too well the mix of frustration and suffering that comes with helplessness.]
You did. You gave me something to fight for.
[His hand still doesn't leave Ezra's cheek, and he doesn't call attention to any attempts that may have been made through the Force. There will be time for that later when both have recovered their strength and health. Instead, he focuses on his gratitude for Ezra's undying loyalty. Waking up to his son at his bedside--although concerning in its own right--had no small part in keeping Qui-Gon awake.]
[But that leaves the question as to where Anakin could possibly be. As far as Qui-Gon knows, his apprentice didn't stay or visit to check up on his status. That only left the possibility that Anakin had left to hunt 'Lumis' down, and although Qui-Gon wholeheartedly understood the intense focus that came with dedicating oneself to completing a mission... his instincts tell him that isn't the case here. Anakin is simply too talented a Jedi to let something as evil as a Sith run amok for however long Qui-Gon had been unconscious, especially in a city this small.]
[Had Qui-Gon truly been that terrible of a master? To have one apprentice turn and another show little care for his well-being?]
[No, he isn't being fair. Anakin will show up, he has to believe that. Even more, he has to focus on the fact that the child he adopted is holding vigil with nothing but devotion motivating his presence. Regardless of what the others say, think, and do (or don't do), he and Ezra will always have each other.]
Thank you for staying. I'm sorry for worrying you.
You don't need to apologize. I'm just glad you're alright.
[Or alright enough that he'll be alright, once he's had time to recover.
Although speaking of recovering... It hasn't escaped Ezra's notice that Qui-Gon hasn't been speaking. It's not like him to use the crystals so much, especially not when he's face to face with the person he's talking to. Ezra peers at him with concern again, though he doesn't pull away from Qui-Gon's hand.]
Do you need anything? Are you thirsty? Or hungry? You've been asleep for a while.
[Qui-Gon does his best to offset Ezra's concern with another warm smile and a task to complete. While he does need the water--and a hot meal--Qui-Gon knows most of all that giving Ezra something to do, some way to be of help will put the boy's mind at ease.]
If they've brought any food, we can share it. I'm sure you need it just as much as I.
[Ezra immediately draws back so he can go get a glass, fortunately already filled with water and left on a stand near Qui-Gon's bed by a nurse who'd predicted he'd be thirsty. The teen holds it out, pressing it into Qui-Gon's hand carefully. His dad can use his hands, he's already proven, but Ezra doesn't know how much strength is in them, or if he's steady enough not to spill as he drinks.]
No food yet, but I can go get some for you. [A pause.] And what makes you think I need food? I'm not the one who's been unconscious.
But you are the one who's been sitting bedside the whole time. That alone says it all.
[He grips the cup tightly with his good hand, but doesn't pull it away from Ezra until he's sure it won't slip and fall onto his lap. It takes a few moments but he's eventually able to lift it up enough to bring it close to his chest... but not close enough to drink just yet.]
[So, without thinking, Qui-Gon bends just a little bit, but it's more than enough to set his body on fire. He winces, continuing to keep his hold on the water despite the pain, and settles back into his pillows until he can regain control of his breathing.]
[Ezra had been watching all of this the whole time, searching for any sign at all that his father needs help from him. Qui-Gon's wince of pain is subtle, but not enough to escape the eye of a concerned boy who's been living with him for half his life. Quickly leaning in, Ezra wraps his own hands around the cup - not to take it away from Qui-Gon, but to help him hold it, or to be ready to take it if Qui-Gon tries to give it back. Either way, concern practically vibrates through his whole frame as he helps to guide the cup to his father's lips. He tries to soften it with weak humor, but it's there nonetheless.]
Doesn't mean I haven't been eating. Since when have you known me to skip on food? When it's available, I mean.
[Because when food's been in short supply, they both had a bad habit of trying to make sure the other got fed at their own expense.]
[Looks like Qui-Gon's pride is taking hits from all over the place today. It's hard to not relent to the twinge of frustration at Ezra's necessary intervention, but thankfully the boy's concern is enough to alleviate any temptation to lash out--not at Ezra, but at himself.]
[As such, Qui-Gon is grateful as he takes a slow, deliberate sip of water, letting it sit in his mouth for a moment before swallowing, lest he choke as it drips against his dry throat.]
Thank you.
[He takes another sip, and then another until he's eventually drinking at a slow, but steady pace.]
And you've attempted to skip food plenty of times. Need I remind you about the times we've had to decide who got the bigger share of a meal? Absolute madness.
[Through it all, Ezra keeps his own hands steady, and his attention trained for any sign from Qui-Gon that he might need to slow or stop to give him a chance to swallow or breathe. The corners of his mouth twitch up, though, at the fond memories Qui-Gon's helping him recall.]
That's your own fault. [He says that with a hint of teasing. It occurs to him that this isn't necessarily a bad thing to talk about. They could both probably do with a lighter mood.] You raised me to try to always be fair, so of course I tried to be fair. You're bigger, so you needed more food.
[Ezra arches one lofty eyebrow at him - another expression he learned from his dad.]
Oh, so you're saying you want me to get fat. I see how it is.
[But teasing aside, he can't help but feel a knot of tension loosen just a little when hears Qui-Gon use his voice. Small as it is, it's still a sign of improvement. Ezra smiles, reaching out with the hand not holding the cup to brush some of Qui-Gon's hair back from his face. Not that Qui-Gon's ever cared much about his appearance, but Ezra thinks he'd at least appreciate having it out of his way. He does usually at least tie some of it back.]
[Qui-Gon is always taken aback at how Ezra’s expressions make the two of them look alike, despite there being no biological relation. Between the way Ezra’s eyebrows arched with incredulous skepticism to how his eyes would narrow when he disagreed with something Qui-Gon said to the way his lips would purse whenever he was deep in thought, all of the quirks that the old Jedi developed over the years seemed to imprint on this one boy in one fell swoop. In those moments, Ezra ceases to be his Padawan or adopted child and may as well be Qui-Gon’s very own flesh and blood. It’s not fair to the boy’s real parents, and there are times when Qui-Gon can’t help a pang of guilt, as if he’d ripped this amazing child from their very arms.]
[But here they are.]
[Qui-Gon’s eyes flutter shut when Ezra brushes his hair out of his face. The feeling of someone’s fingers against his forehead and face is still foreign to him—considering his master it’s no surprise—and he’s never really grown used to it. Truth be told, he doesn’t want to get used to it. He wants every familial moment to stay novel, to continue to change his life in tiny but profound ways. Every touch. Every smile. Every shared, poignant glance… he wants to steal them all and hoard them away somewhere deep inside, his own little treasures to marvel at away from prying eyes.]
[It’s selfish, pure and simple, to covet these experiences not meant for a Jedi, but his most recent brush with death has reminded him that these moments are all he has. They’re all he can call his own. Not even his legacy of fractured governments made whole and lives saved can truly be called his. The Empire has seen to that. His first Padawan has fallen, and his second is forced to stay in hiding.]
[No, the only true legacy he has is sitting beside him, a young boy full of ambition and kindness who wants nothing more than to do the right thing in the galaxy. And that’s enough.]
[When Qui-Gon’s eyes open again, they settle on Ezra. He stays silent for a little, the corners of his mouth quirked up in a small smile. When he finally speaks, it’s still in a whisper, but there’s strength returning to his voice.]
[If Qui-Gon had ever voiced that pang of guilt to Ezra, Ezra would have wasted no time in turning around and squashing it. It wasn't Qui-Gon's fault he'd been forced onto the streets, and if his parents are even alive, he thinks they'd be more grateful to Qui-Gon than anything else that he'd taken Ezra into his home and into his heart, giving Ezra the anchor of family that he'd needed as much as he'd needed food.
Even if Qui-Gon didn't ever voice that guilt aloud, though, maybe he would get the same message from the simple love and affection Ezra showed, from the smiles that beamed brighter when turned onto Qui-Gon, to the hugs Ezra reserved just for him, to the way his hands hovered for a moment before letting go, reluctant to give up their connection now that he's just gotten Qui-Gon back.
And then, too, there's the way that Ezra's thrived in the time since they'd adopted each other. Gone is the lost little boy who'd begun to lose his trust and innocence, and in his place is a young man growing straight and true with Qui-Gon's guidance, encouraged by the smiles and pride he's received from Qui-Gon in turn. He's Qui-Gon's legacy, for better or worse, seeking to emulate every example he's set, from stubbornness to morals and character laced with durasteel, compassion shining clear through it all.
What better argument is there that Qui-Gon did the right thing with him?]
Well, if I do, you can always give the extra to me - like you do anyway. [Ezra teases a little more, then finally pulls back with a smile.] I'll bring some tea, too.
[Because he knows his father too well.
Straightening up, he heads for the door to slip out of the room. His last farewell comes in a brief brush from the Force, warm and full of love.]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2017-08-30 05:40 pm (UTC)[He squeezes Ezra's hand back, his rough, large palms completely encompassing the boy's slender fingers. He doesn't need to use the Force to convey the love and comfort he wants to share and tell his son that yes, he's okay. He's wounded, he's incapacitated, and he's going to take quite a while to convalesce, but he's okay.]
[Most importantly, he needs to know if Ezra can say the same.]
[Qui-Gon isn't sure if Ezra has his amulet on him--the boy certainly didn't prior to Obi-Wan's attack, but he reaches out anyway just in case. He swallows as well, trying to prep his throat for their eventual chat.]
I'm all right.
How's your head? And your throat? Did the healers look at your injuries?
[To accentuate his questions (and to wordlessly ask them, should Ezra not have his amulet) Qui-Gon pulls his hand out of Ezra's grip and slowly brushes his fingers through his hair, checking for bruises as much as his still waking body will allow.]
no subject
Date: 2017-09-02 01:31 am (UTC)When he answers, his voice is a little bit rough, matching the shadows of bruises on his throat, though the words themselves deny them both.]
I'm fine. And I'm not the one you should be worried about.
[Ezra's certainly not worried about himself right now. A headache and a sore throat are incredibly minor concerns compared to what happened to Qui-Gon.
Besides, half the ache in his throat is probably just from the lump he can't swallow when he thinks about how close he'd come to losing the only family he has.]
Dad, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen.
no subject
Date: 2017-09-02 02:24 am (UTC)It's not your fault, Ezra.
You did the right thing. You couldn't help that someone took advantage of your good nature.
[He brushes along Ezra's cheekbone with his thumb. Just seeing his adoptive son in front of him alive and relatively well is enough to get his emotions going. To think what would have happened had he been a moment later...]
All that matters is that you're okay.
no subject
Date: 2017-09-07 03:53 pm (UTC)Still, a steadying breath helps, and so does his own innate stubbornness that flares at Qui-Gon's words. Ezra opens his eyes to pin Qui-Gon with a look that Qui-Gon would probably recognize if he ever watched his own expressions in a mirror.]
That's not true. You matter, too. You taught me that no one person is more important than another, so don't you dare say I'm the only thing that counts.
no subject
Date: 2017-09-07 08:12 pm (UTC)Fair enough. I won't say it again.
[It doesn't help that Qui-Gon has a bad habit of yielding to his son whenever he's distressed. He keeps his comforting hand on Ezra's cheek, no stranger to placating the teenager's often turbulent emotions, the same as they'd been since childhood. Some things didn't change.]
How long have you been here?
no subject
Date: 2017-09-10 12:44 am (UTC)But now the subject is safely set aside for one a little less emotionally charged. Ezra shrugs one shoulder. If he was honest, he's lost track of time, everything blurring in the rush of adrenaline and worry. Still, he'll go for a simple but still honest answer.]
Since they brought you here. I thought, you know, maybe I could help.
[Not that he knows anything about Healing with the Force, but if nothing else, he'd hoped Qui-Gon could feel his presence in the Force and know he still had someone who cared for and needed him here.
...though he might have tried to use the Force a little bit, too.]
no subject
Date: 2017-09-10 02:38 am (UTC)You did. You gave me something to fight for.
[His hand still doesn't leave Ezra's cheek, and he doesn't call attention to any attempts that may have been made through the Force. There will be time for that later when both have recovered their strength and health. Instead, he focuses on his gratitude for Ezra's undying loyalty. Waking up to his son at his bedside--although concerning in its own right--had no small part in keeping Qui-Gon awake.]
[But that leaves the question as to where Anakin could possibly be. As far as Qui-Gon knows, his apprentice didn't stay or visit to check up on his status. That only left the possibility that Anakin had left to hunt 'Lumis' down, and although Qui-Gon wholeheartedly understood the intense focus that came with dedicating oneself to completing a mission... his instincts tell him that isn't the case here. Anakin is simply too talented a Jedi to let something as evil as a Sith run amok for however long Qui-Gon had been unconscious, especially in a city this small.]
[Had Qui-Gon truly been that terrible of a master? To have one apprentice turn and another show little care for his well-being?]
[No, he isn't being fair. Anakin will show up, he has to believe that. Even more, he has to focus on the fact that the child he adopted is holding vigil with nothing but devotion motivating his presence. Regardless of what the others say, think, and do (or don't do), he and Ezra will always have each other.]
Thank you for staying. I'm sorry for worrying you.
no subject
Date: 2017-09-14 01:48 am (UTC)[Or alright enough that he'll be alright, once he's had time to recover.
Although speaking of recovering... It hasn't escaped Ezra's notice that Qui-Gon hasn't been speaking. It's not like him to use the crystals so much, especially not when he's face to face with the person he's talking to. Ezra peers at him with concern again, though he doesn't pull away from Qui-Gon's hand.]
Do you need anything? Are you thirsty? Or hungry? You've been asleep for a while.
no subject
Date: 2017-09-14 01:57 am (UTC)[Qui-Gon does his best to offset Ezra's concern with another warm smile and a task to complete. While he does need the water--and a hot meal--Qui-Gon knows most of all that giving Ezra something to do, some way to be of help will put the boy's mind at ease.]
If they've brought any food, we can share it. I'm sure you need it just as much as I.
no subject
Date: 2017-09-14 10:36 pm (UTC)No food yet, but I can go get some for you. [A pause.] And what makes you think I need food? I'm not the one who's been unconscious.
no subject
Date: 2017-09-16 02:10 am (UTC)[He grips the cup tightly with his good hand, but doesn't pull it away from Ezra until he's sure it won't slip and fall onto his lap. It takes a few moments but he's eventually able to lift it up enough to bring it close to his chest... but not close enough to drink just yet.]
[So, without thinking, Qui-Gon bends just a little bit, but it's more than enough to set his body on fire. He winces, continuing to keep his hold on the water despite the pain, and settles back into his pillows until he can regain control of his breathing.]
no subject
Date: 2017-09-18 01:44 am (UTC)Doesn't mean I haven't been eating. Since when have you known me to skip on food? When it's available, I mean.
[Because when food's been in short supply, they both had a bad habit of trying to make sure the other got fed at their own expense.]
Here. Let me help you with that.
no subject
Date: 2017-09-20 10:40 pm (UTC)[As such, Qui-Gon is grateful as he takes a slow, deliberate sip of water, letting it sit in his mouth for a moment before swallowing, lest he choke as it drips against his dry throat.]
Thank you.
[He takes another sip, and then another until he's eventually drinking at a slow, but steady pace.]
And you've attempted to skip food plenty of times. Need I remind you about the times we've had to decide who got the bigger share of a meal? Absolute madness.
no subject
Date: 2017-09-24 08:50 pm (UTC)That's your own fault. [He says that with a hint of teasing. It occurs to him that this isn't necessarily a bad thing to talk about. They could both probably do with a lighter mood.] You raised me to try to always be fair, so of course I tried to be fair. You're bigger, so you needed more food.
no subject
Date: 2017-09-25 02:15 am (UTC)[Qui-Gon raises his eyebrows over the edge of the glass and at Ezra with his declaration before he pulls away, his thirst satiated for now.]
[A few moments pass before he clears his throat, his voice barely above a whisper as he tests the waters.]
You'll never convince a stubborn old man like me otherwise.
no subject
Date: 2017-09-29 12:26 pm (UTC)Oh, so you're saying you want me to get fat. I see how it is.
[But teasing aside, he can't help but feel a knot of tension loosen just a little when hears Qui-Gon use his voice. Small as it is, it's still a sign of improvement. Ezra smiles, reaching out with the hand not holding the cup to brush some of Qui-Gon's hair back from his face. Not that Qui-Gon's ever cared much about his appearance, but Ezra thinks he'd at least appreciate having it out of his way. He does usually at least tie some of it back.]
What if I brought enough food for both of us?
no subject
Date: 2017-09-30 01:34 am (UTC)[But here they are.]
[Qui-Gon’s eyes flutter shut when Ezra brushes his hair out of his face. The feeling of someone’s fingers against his forehead and face is still foreign to him—considering his master it’s no surprise—and he’s never really grown used to it. Truth be told, he doesn’t want to get used to it. He wants every familial moment to stay novel, to continue to change his life in tiny but profound ways. Every touch. Every smile. Every shared, poignant glance… he wants to steal them all and hoard them away somewhere deep inside, his own little treasures to marvel at away from prying eyes.]
[It’s selfish, pure and simple, to covet these experiences not meant for a Jedi, but his most recent brush with death has reminded him that these moments are all he has. They’re all he can call his own. Not even his legacy of fractured governments made whole and lives saved can truly be called his. The Empire has seen to that. His first Padawan has fallen, and his second is forced to stay in hiding.]
[No, the only true legacy he has is sitting beside him, a young boy full of ambition and kindness who wants nothing more than to do the right thing in the galaxy. And that’s enough.]
[When Qui-Gon’s eyes open again, they settle on Ezra. He stays silent for a little, the corners of his mouth quirked up in a small smile. When he finally speaks, it’s still in a whisper, but there’s strength returning to his voice.]
Don’t go overboard. I’m not very hungry.
no subject
Date: 2017-10-11 05:06 pm (UTC)Even if Qui-Gon didn't ever voice that guilt aloud, though, maybe he would get the same message from the simple love and affection Ezra showed, from the smiles that beamed brighter when turned onto Qui-Gon, to the hugs Ezra reserved just for him, to the way his hands hovered for a moment before letting go, reluctant to give up their connection now that he's just gotten Qui-Gon back.
And then, too, there's the way that Ezra's thrived in the time since they'd adopted each other. Gone is the lost little boy who'd begun to lose his trust and innocence, and in his place is a young man growing straight and true with Qui-Gon's guidance, encouraged by the smiles and pride he's received from Qui-Gon in turn. He's Qui-Gon's legacy, for better or worse, seeking to emulate every example he's set, from stubbornness to morals and character laced with durasteel, compassion shining clear through it all.
What better argument is there that Qui-Gon did the right thing with him?]
Well, if I do, you can always give the extra to me - like you do anyway. [Ezra teases a little more, then finally pulls back with a smile.] I'll bring some tea, too.
[Because he knows his father too well.
Straightening up, he heads for the door to slip out of the room. His last farewell comes in a brief brush from the Force, warm and full of love.]