["Was." It's about what she expected; she can't imagine Ezra would've been as close with his Ghost crew or been as deeply involved in the way he was if his parents were still around. But, it's still a bit sad to have that confirmation.
Before she's able to voice anything about people you care for that should be gone showing up here, or any further questions about Ezra's dad, he chimes in with that last bit. It's not the question that's the problem, it's what follows after that. Leia lifts her chin defiantly, forcing a neutral expression despite the inner panic at Ezra's mention of her dads. Plural.]
I only have one father. And having him here is one of the greatest gifts this place could have given.
[Ezra opens his mouth, and then shuts it. Grimaces as what he just said sinks in. He knows how Leia feels about Anakin, has known since that first disastrous encounter Ezra had with him and the aftermath of that, and he'd only been able to guess at whether or not she'd known then who Anakin was to her, and whether or not that would have made any different about how she felt. There was a lot he didn't know, really.
There was a reason why he hadn't brought it up with her since he'd found out. How do you even bring something like that up?
Well, this is one way...]
Sorry, that... wasn't how I meant to say that...
[He trails off lamely, not even sure how he can recovered things after that.
Though... maybe he shouldn't. Since he's already brought it up, maybe he should just ask the questions he wants to ask so he'll know and not have to ask again.]
[Leia purses her lips, her expression guarded and unreadable for a good few moments as she looks Ezra over. Part of her wants to know how Ezra found this out--since it's clear he knows what Anakin is to her--but the rest of her wants to blame Anakin for it. Anakin doesn't understand the meaning of discretion, doesn't understand her feelings on him despite her obvious hatred of him, and clearly wouldn't care who finds out information she doesn't want getting out.
So she doesn't ask. Instead, she replies evenly:]
Anakin Skywalker doesn't matter to me. I have my family, and he is not and will never be part of it.
[Anakin Skywalker doesn't matter, but she'd be lying, of course, to say that her relation to him doesn't matter. Because it does, it always does, and will matter to the galaxy even when it matters less to her and she knows it.]
[Ezra chews on that for a moment, not surprised, but also not sure if that answers his question or not. Does he even know what his question really is?
But Leia's even tone and calm statement of fact loosen a little bit of the tension that had been gathering in his shoulders, tension that had been waiting for her to be upset that he'd even brought this up at all. So maybe it's okay to keep talking, at least enough to figure out how things really stand. She'll let him know if she's through talking, right? Leia's always been the kind of girl to say exactly what's on her mind.]
But does it matter to you? If I ever mention it, will it bother you?
[Her even tone breaks slightly as she replies. Because while she's better at masking how she's truly feeling to present the sort of composed demeanor people expect, it's hard. With this, it's especially hard.]
Do you understand what that will mean for how the galaxy at large will view the Rebellion and my efforts to restore the Republic?
[And how they'll think of her. But she can deal more with people having a poor opinion of her than she can her entire life's work--her father and mother's work--being invalidated in the eyes of the galaxy because of the ghost of Darth Vader looming behind it.]
[Ezra's face twists into a mulish expression. He gets what she's saying, he does, but that doesn't mean he has to like it.]
Well, it shouldn't matter to them. How many times do people get adopted and nobody thinks about who their parents were?
[People get orphaned in their galaxy all the time. He knows that from his own personal experience.
But just to be clear, he looks her right in the eyes.]
It doesn't matter to me. You're Leia, not your family - and I don't just mean Anakin. I know your dad, and he's a good guy, but you're not him either. You're you, and what you've done is yours.
[she shakes her head. While she appreciates Ezra's sentiment, she doesn't need the knowledge she has of the future to know he's innhe minority. Even among people she thought she knew well and trusted.]
It shouldn't matter, but you know better than to assume it won't. It's not as if the galaxy will forget everything Darth Vader did now that he's dead.
[Now that he's dead. Once upon a time, just hearing that would have thrilled him. Darth Vader has terrified him ever since the first time he met him, and has influenced Ezra's life for the worse since even before that. Now that he's met Anakin, though, and since he started his plan to try to bring the good in him back, and keep it... The thrill settles into a cold place in his stomach - still there, but twisted up with other feelings now. Darth Vader is still a figure from his nightmares, but Anakin...
This isn't about Anakin right now.
...well, it is, but he's not who Ezra's focusing on.]
Well, the galaxy's not here right now, so kriff what they think. [His stance with his arms folded says he's not even sorry for using language like that.] What about just the two of us?
[Ezra drops his arms back down. His opinions about the galaxy's opinions aside, he's not trying to be confrontational.]
I mean- I've known, you know, for a while now. About you and Anakin. But I never knew if I should bring it up, if you'd be okay with it, and I didn't like that. It felt like I was keeping secrets from you.
[He frowns, leaning back against the counter now as he tries to marshal his thoughts.]
You know now, so I'm not anymore, but... I guess what I want to know is if this is something I should just not ever talk about again, or if you're okay if... If something about it comes up.
[The gesture he makes to go with that half-question is vague, because it's not like he has plans to bring it up.]
[Ezra can admit that much without breaking the promise he made to leave out that Anakin had been at Leia's wedding - and he still thinks she'll be happier not knowing.]
Except I don't think he was trying to tell me, or maybe he thought I already knew. He just said something and I connected the dots.
[Leia purses her lips and closes her eyes briefly, slowly exhaling as she takes in Ezra's words. Of course he still doesn't understand, even though she made herself more than clear when he found out. It's not a surprise, not really. As far as Leia cares, Anakin is both dense and selfish and doesn't care whose lives he ruins when doing what he wants.]
I can't say I'm shocked. He can't see beyond his own desires.
[Ezra opens his mouth, then closes it. It should be easy to agree with her, should be easy to just nod and shrug it off. She's his friend, and he understands what she wants, what she's really complaining about here. But the subject touches a nerve, and he looks away, something aching.
When he finally speaks, his voice is low.]
I can't really blame someone for wanting a family.
Not that I'm saying he's right for trying when you don't want it. Just... I can't blame him for feeling that way.
[Even if Luke isn't here anymore. She can accept that Luke has forgiven and accepted Anakin as his father, and she won't hold that against him or try and take that from him in any way. But, she can't agree, she can't forgive Anakin and has no interest in learning more about him or getting to know him.]
He can have his family elsewhere, without involving me or threatening mine.
Not saying he should. Just that I can't hold it against him for wanting it.
[Because he wants his own family so very, very much - his mom and dad, Kanan and Hera and Sabine and Zeb. He even misses Chopper sometimes. If one of them was here but didn't want to see him...
It's not the same. It's not, and he knows it, and this conversation shouldn't be about him. If he can't remember that, then he needs to break it off.
So he tips one shoulder up and lifts the corner of his mouth in something meant to reassure Leia he's on her side.]
I think the water's boiling now. I better go get the tea.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2017-09-01 03:52 am (UTC)Before she's able to voice anything about people you care for that should be gone showing up here, or any further questions about Ezra's dad, he chimes in with that last bit. It's not the question that's the problem, it's what follows after that. Leia lifts her chin defiantly, forcing a neutral expression despite the inner panic at Ezra's mention of her dads. Plural.]
I only have one father. And having him here is one of the greatest gifts this place could have given.
no subject
Date: 2017-09-03 03:49 am (UTC)There was a reason why he hadn't brought it up with her since he'd found out. How do you even bring something like that up?
Well, this is one way...]
Sorry, that... wasn't how I meant to say that...
[He trails off lamely, not even sure how he can recovered things after that.
Though... maybe he shouldn't. Since he's already brought it up, maybe he should just ask the questions he wants to ask so he'll know and not have to ask again.]
So Anakin being... That doesn't matter to you?
no subject
Date: 2017-09-03 04:12 am (UTC)So she doesn't ask. Instead, she replies evenly:]
Anakin Skywalker doesn't matter to me. I have my family, and he is not and will never be part of it.
[Anakin Skywalker doesn't matter, but she'd be lying, of course, to say that her relation to him doesn't matter. Because it does, it always does, and will matter to the galaxy even when it matters less to her and she knows it.]
no subject
Date: 2017-09-03 01:00 pm (UTC)But Leia's even tone and calm statement of fact loosen a little bit of the tension that had been gathering in his shoulders, tension that had been waiting for her to be upset that he'd even brought this up at all. So maybe it's okay to keep talking, at least enough to figure out how things really stand. She'll let him know if she's through talking, right? Leia's always been the kind of girl to say exactly what's on her mind.]
But does it matter to you? If I ever mention it, will it bother you?
no subject
Date: 2017-09-03 04:09 pm (UTC)[Her even tone breaks slightly as she replies. Because while she's better at masking how she's truly feeling to present the sort of composed demeanor people expect, it's hard. With this, it's especially hard.]
Do you understand what that will mean for how the galaxy at large will view the Rebellion and my efforts to restore the Republic?
[And how they'll think of her. But she can deal more with people having a poor opinion of her than she can her entire life's work--her father and mother's work--being invalidated in the eyes of the galaxy because of the ghost of Darth Vader looming behind it.]
no subject
Date: 2017-09-08 12:25 pm (UTC)Well, it shouldn't matter to them. How many times do people get adopted and nobody thinks about who their parents were?
[People get orphaned in their galaxy all the time. He knows that from his own personal experience.
But just to be clear, he looks her right in the eyes.]
It doesn't matter to me. You're Leia, not your family - and I don't just mean Anakin. I know your dad, and he's a good guy, but you're not him either. You're you, and what you've done is yours.
no subject
Date: 2017-09-08 03:44 pm (UTC)It shouldn't matter, but you know better than to assume it won't. It's not as if the galaxy will forget everything Darth Vader did now that he's dead.
no subject
Date: 2017-09-09 08:22 pm (UTC)This isn't about Anakin right now.
...well, it is, but he's not who Ezra's focusing on.]
Well, the galaxy's not here right now, so kriff what they think. [His stance with his arms folded says he's not even sorry for using language like that.] What about just the two of us?
no subject
Date: 2017-09-09 08:30 pm (UTC)What about the two of us?
no subject
Date: 2017-09-09 09:03 pm (UTC)I mean- I've known, you know, for a while now. About you and Anakin. But I never knew if I should bring it up, if you'd be okay with it, and I didn't like that. It felt like I was keeping secrets from you.
[He frowns, leaning back against the counter now as he tries to marshal his thoughts.]
You know now, so I'm not anymore, but... I guess what I want to know is if this is something I should just not ever talk about again, or if you're okay if... If something about it comes up.
[The gesture he makes to go with that half-question is vague, because it's not like he has plans to bring it up.]
no subject
Date: 2017-09-09 09:29 pm (UTC)[she doesn't like talking about Anakin in general on the best of days. Talking about his relation to her is even less desirable.]
My father is Bail Organa, and to say otherwise for any reason is an insult to the both of us.
[or at least she considers it insulting. She more than accepts Luke as her family, but her both parents are both a far more complicated story.]
Who told you?
no subject
Date: 2017-09-09 09:45 pm (UTC)[He can respect her wishes.]
He did, sort of.
[Ezra can admit that much without breaking the promise he made to leave out that Anakin had been at Leia's wedding - and he still thinks she'll be happier not knowing.]
Except I don't think he was trying to tell me, or maybe he thought I already knew. He just said something and I connected the dots.
no subject
Date: 2017-09-10 09:07 pm (UTC)I can't say I'm shocked. He can't see beyond his own desires.
no subject
Date: 2017-09-10 09:42 pm (UTC)When he finally speaks, his voice is low.]
I can't really blame someone for wanting a family.
Not that I'm saying he's right for trying when you don't want it. Just... I can't blame him for feeling that way.
no subject
Date: 2017-09-10 09:54 pm (UTC)[Even if Luke isn't here anymore. She can accept that Luke has forgiven and accepted Anakin as his father, and she won't hold that against him or try and take that from him in any way. But, she can't agree, she can't forgive Anakin and has no interest in learning more about him or getting to know him.]
He can have his family elsewhere, without involving me or threatening mine.
no subject
Date: 2017-09-10 10:08 pm (UTC)[Because he wants his own family so very, very much - his mom and dad, Kanan and Hera and Sabine and Zeb. He even misses Chopper sometimes. If one of them was here but didn't want to see him...
It's not the same. It's not, and he knows it, and this conversation shouldn't be about him. If he can't remember that, then he needs to break it off.
So he tips one shoulder up and lifts the corner of his mouth in something meant to reassure Leia he's on her side.]
I think the water's boiling now. I better go get the tea.